One of the best things about Halloween is not the Bit-o-Honeys. Nor is it that fact that, at the end of the evening, the average child has enough Tootsie Rolls to last them the rest of their lives. What I'm thinking of, fondly, right now is this: How I am gonna scare the bejeesus out of some eight-year-old and his little sister. Muahahahaha!! So you probably wanna get in on this "scaring-business", dontcha? Cool. Here are some generally scary things you can do. Decorate your porch with fake monsters...and one real monster. This scares adults and kids alike. In fact it's so awesome I had to make it #1 because it's hilarious, highly effective, and my favorite thing to do in the world (besides sex and drugs of course). Here's what ya do...

1. Get a few rocking chairs and put them on your porch.
2. Get a few sets of old clothes.
3. Stuff the pants, shirts, socks, etc. with newspaper and pin them together so they roughly look like a human form.
4. Sit them in the chairs, and for the head on each one, put a monster mask - also stuffed with newspaper. They will look like fake monsters you stuffed with newspaper.
5. On Halloween, you sit in a chair (or stand next to one). You should also be wearing a monster mask, and also be attired in similar-type clothing. And being very still.

So, when trick-or-treaters come up to your porch they probably won't realize you're real. So when you suddenly move, they tend to absolutely lose their composure and freak out, scream, etc. It's hilarious! Decorate your home with creepy stuff. I like to do this all year, but if you're a so-called "normal" and you don't love to be constantly surrounded by horror-movie memorabilia, macabre artwork, and scary items...just do it at Halloween. Here are some ideas...

1. Fake spider webs. Find these at any party store or Walgreen's this time of year.
2. Vintage Halloween decorations. These rule! I'm talking about stuff like Beistle Halloween decorations and those cheesy die-cut Halloween door & window decorations from holidays past.

But what else can you do in your house? LOTS. You can do something crazy like hang up a terrifying Halloween wolf head or if you've got some extra dough you could always put the "Spill Your Guts" Halloween prop in your home. (Great for parties!)


Serve some creepy, gross-looking, delicious food. There are tons of recipes for things like edible eyeballs and other body-part-like foods that aren't really made of the body parts they appear to be. (Got that?) But I recommend the "Kitty Litter Cake". It's great because not only does it look like real kitty litter, you get to use up a few Tootsie Rolls to make the fake poo.


So, take one or more of these ideas this Halloween, and run with it. Go all-out. You'll have a lot of fun and you will also create a lot of cool memories for you and your friends. After all, that's half the fun of Halloween!